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Thursday, 5 December 2013

“Go And Die” And 6 Other Quotes That Shaped Our Year

What a year we’ve had! Find below a few quotes that probably shaped our year in more ways than one…
1) “My heartfelt congratulations to the British Royal Family on the birth of a new Prince today at Saint Mary’s Paddington where we had our sons”–Former Presidential candidate and journalist, Dele Momodu
As the world turned its collective gaze towards the UK where the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were looking forward to the the birth of their son (Prince George), Chief Dele Momodu couldn’t help reminding us he once had his sons at the same hospital. He was heckled on Twitter thereafter, but we are sure he had made his point and wouldn’t care so much thereafter.

2) “I was not a tribalist when I had a long-standing and intimate relationship with Miss Bianca Onoh, an Igbo lady, who many years later married Ojukwu and who is now our Ambassador in Spain. I was not a tribalist when I had a long-standing and intimate relationship with Miss Chioma Anasoh, another Igbo lady, who I almost took as a second wife. I was not a tribalist when I had a long-standing and intimate relationship with Miss Adaobi Uchegbu, another Igbo lady, who was exceptionally close to me and who is now at the National Headquarters of the ruling PDP”.–Former Aviation Minister, Femi Fani-Kayode

In an attempt to defend himself against accusations that he was an “Igbo hater”, a debonair and libidinous Fani-Kayode gave us an unsolicited list of the Igbo women he had intimate relationships with in the past. He had to apologise to a few of the ladies thereafter, amidst outrage from readers and was threatened with legal action by another.
So much for kissing and yelling. 

3. ” Yes, Patience Jonathan is my Jesus Christ”–Evans Bipi, member, Rivers State House of Assembly


 Moments after leading a failed insurrection on the floor of the Rivers State parliament complete with maces and cudgels, Mr Evans Bipi reminded us all why he became a thug for a cause. He was fighting for Jesus Christ, he told us. While we wondered why he had to fight for Christ who didn’t need his help, he told us he owes allegiance to Dame Patience Jonathan, the President’s wife. It was homily stuff and we wept in              complete obeisance.

4. “Air Mishaps Are Inevitable…Accidents Are An Act of God”–Aviation Minister, Stella Oduah.

With a thousand cameras, microphones and tape recorders thrust in her face as she exited the State House hours after another air mishap had coloured our already dark skyline, the Aviation Minister did what every public officer does around here: blame it on God and move on. Classic stuff.

5. “Come sit on my laps and I’ll show you a level of grace you do not understand”–Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo tells Ese Walter before a sex romp in a London Hotel.
This quote made the rounds on social media for weeks on end. The pastor is yet to deny it, weeks after, preferring to maintain a “robust silence” instead. The apparently randy Pastor still commands large audiences every other worship day. He’s a suave class act, won’t you say?!

6. “Approved. Do the Needful”–Stella Oduah, Aviation Minister
Embroiled in a luxury car scandal capable of evicting any other public officer in any other clime from office, the charming Aviation Minister put the above quote up as defense before legislators probing her role in the scandal. She remains Aviation Minister in an administration that apparently fancies them corrupt.
But we loved her quote and now deploy it in official speak.

7. “You are a widow? Go and Die”–Adams Oshiomhole, Edo State Governor

For a Governor who loves to apply the death penalty in reining-in kidnappers, we were still appalled anyway. 48 hours later, he was having tea (with) and profusely apologising to the widow he had asked to go and die. It was a masterfully stage-managed PR photo-op and we lapped it all up.
This former labour leader won our hearts all over again.

How could we have left this out? Silly us and many thanks to our eagle-eyed readers who pointed at our unpardonable omission…
8 “The website of NSCDC is going to be made known by my “Oga at the top”–Obafaiye Shem, former Lagos commandant of the Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps (NSCDC).
The video had gone viral before we could say “Shem”.
As guest of a Channels TV breakfast show, Mr Shem couldn’t reel out his organisation’s web address, pausing now and again before going: “ww.nscdc that’s all”. Several memes trailed his gaffe and T-shirts, mugs and even birthday cakes carried his “Oga at the top” insignia with his signature index finger pointing to the skies as he mangled his lines. We even had a danceable song remix dedicated to our “Oga at the top”.
The man had to be ferried to another State to carry out his duties in order to avoid the Lagos spotlight.
He could not “categorically give us nwan” at the moment we needed one and we laughed at him to no end.
 Culled from Ekekeee.com

What other quotes can you recall? Please leave them in the comment section below.

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